First of all, I tried. I tried my best to get "professional" relationship coaches to talk to you. They didn't respond, and of course, I felt rejected. On the other hand, I removed the negative connotation that comes with it, as I recognised that it was a redirection (Romans 8:28).
"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."
This might be God's way of broadening my niche, wink wink.
Surely I am not a "relationship guru", but I've spent quite a while zooming into different singles conferences to tell you a thing or two. I've also had my fair share of one-sided heartbreaks, but let's save the sappy stories for later. I must confess that though I have visited quite a few conferences/ seminars, in all my 22 years alive, I've never quite felt 100% edified. It's as if the main focuses were always :
Don't have sex outside of marriage.
Wait on God, and be prayerful.
Use your singleness to Love God.
Don't get me wrong, these are great takeaways, but it always felt like there were missing links. For instance, I would hear that I should love God, but I was not taught how to. I was always told to take cold showers if I had sexual urges, but let us be reel, when you're cold that's when the feelings intensify. It's like you want some warmth. I can't be the only one. Where are all the reel people?
There was also this part where I used to feel guilty that I had sexual urges. I was often told to pray them out, and I must confess, I used to ask God to kill them and resurrect them like Lazarus when it's time.
That was an absurd prayer that highlights how much guidance I needed. I have come to learn that that's not the way to pray, and I wish I was taught how to. Sadly, there was not much emphasis in these spaces to let me know I was normal. Through my own research and relationship with God, I've learned that it is quite normal to have these urges. They are reminders that we are still human with humanistic desires; it's okay. We don't have to torture ourselves. The most important thing lies in what we do with these urges. We won't get into all that right now, however, the point of this is to introduce a new series called Single & Struggling Saturdays.
This is not going to be a space where we bash the church, but rather one where we act as the missing link. For instance, where the church instructs us to love God, we will teach you how to. We will explore how to deal with urges and even how to deal with rejection. There are a lot of persons hurting in the body of Christ because some male or female didn't go about the dating process correctly. In fact, our main aim, with the help of God, is to provide resources for these issues that are negatively impacting our relationships. No more will you struggle alone. We are here for you!
Why am I doing this?
There was a time in my life where I referenced movies to teach me about love and how to cope with being single. I turned to these resources because the church was not presenting enough resources to me that matched my level. I remember my favourite movie being How To Be Single. It became my favourite, as I saw it as a good reference to guide the do not have boyfriends instruction. I watched it so much that I could quote the lines. Whenever I felt like I wanted a relationship, I watched it. If I was sad, I watched it. Let's just say that I watched it a lot! On the other hand, I didn't feel satisfied. I realised that this was not the right approach as a child of God, so I stopped.
But though I realised this, I didn't feel like I had anyone to talk to after years of "Do not have boyfriends". Eventually, I started to scour the internet, and I began to invest in videos and books to develop my own stance. The young adult in me was suffering in silence.
Okay, enough of the preamble, I am doing this because I wished someone did this for my 18 to 21-year-old self. I think I would be flourishing better in my relationship with God, myself and others if this was done.
I made some pretty stupid decisions, but I believe that God allowed them to happen because I was created for such a time as this (Esther 4:14). Again, I am emphasising that I am not a professional relationship coach (yet), I am just a 22- year old with "unnecessary" experiences willing to help you.
Now that we have made this series's mission clear and established my somewhat validity, let's kickstart this series. Today's focus is on loving God. Before we get into the nitty-gritty, I will confess that I am still mastering this art, and It took a hard felt heartbreak to initiate this journey.
& So The Sappy Stories Begin
I know you guys love the stories, so I will share.
Exactly a year ago, I felt like I found the one. Note: There is no such thing as the one. God created us with free will and if He doesn't force us to worship Him which is MAJOR then why would He create that one person you HAVE TO marry? Furthermore, Christ is married to the church, so how can He not force this marriage and force an earthly one? If we believe the notion that there is one person for us then that could mean that a lot of us have married the wrong persons and we are just wrong children taking up space on earth. Well?
Back to the story, we both found each other. I was ecstatic because at that time my prayer was, "Lord please let me get married because I want to have sex". Yes, I said it.
Note AGAIN: Reel ones, that isn't the right prayer. If you don't have self-control in singleness, it will only be exposed in marriage. but listen, that's a talk for another week. Back to the story.
So yes, we met, and he matched everything on my list and apparently I "checkboxed" his. We were only friends, but that did not stop me from committing to a one-sided situationship. an entanglement for me if we want to call it that.
Eventually, he turned into my idol, and I projected. I projected the issues that I should have been personally addressing within me onto him. I made him my happiness, and I thought I loved him. To make matters worse, I got very impatient which I didn't realise was a revelation that it was not loving (Love is patient-1 Corinthians 13:1). Eventually, I prayed about it, and it all crumbled. My one-sided expectation turned into my biggest heartbreak. Bro, I got rejected too!
AN EMOTIONAL KNOCKOUT!
I bawled to God. Interestingly, this rejection made me redirect my attention to God, and it's been that way since. In his presence, I began to see my different faults and how unready I was. I realised that I didn't love/ know God, so that meant I didn't know love ( 1 John 4:8). I also needed more work on my spiritual fruits such as self-control & patience (Galatians 5:22-23).
All in all, that rejection was a refreshing propeller for my new journey with God. He did surgery on my heart, values and self-esteem, and of course, we are going to touch them. I am now at a place of healing to the point where I have told this young man, thank you for rejecting me. I believe it was one of the best things that could have happened in my 22 years. By rejecting me, it gave me space to fully invest in this platform, as he was no longer "my ministry".
I saw that he was a self-constructed calling I needed to ignore.
I won't tell you that it was easy, for it wasn't. There were some lonely and painful days, but in the midst of it, I learned how to place God at the forefront of my life. For a while, I walked around with an emptiness. One day I couldn't take it, and I remember asking God how to have a relationship with Him. Prior to that, I was tempted to go on Tinder and find another idol to ease the pain. The craving I felt for years was back, but I decided to let God fill it for the first time. I opted out of fulfilling my emotional needs with a guy, but even so, I didn't know how to direct it to God. Eventually, I got practical and intentional about our relationship. I reached that point where I began to converse with God as if He was some young man I was romantically involved with. When something happened, He became my first response. I would often search my mind to see how I would deal with a guy, and yes you guessed it, I made it into a thing with God and me. Following this, I started to explore the 5 love languages, and let's just say the rest has been history.
Exploring The 5 Love Languages With Christ
We love because he first loved us.
(1 John 4:19, NIV)
Words of Affirmation: Christ never ceases from affirming us. The Bible is a literal love letter to us. He is unashamed to remind us about his Good thoughts towards us and how unfailing His love is. I highly endorse reading the book of Psalms daily, as David gives us insight into the different ways we can express that we love God. (Jeremiah 29:11 & Psalm 36:5-7 )
Acts of Service: The greatest act that He did for us was dying on the cross. If that isn't an act of love then I don't know what that is. Aside from this, He keeps us Protected and never ceases to provide. Not limited to these. (John 3:16, Psalm 5:11-12)
Quality Time: Did you know that one of the reasons we have the Holy ghost is because God wants to be with us at all times? From the beginning of time, His intention has been to be relational with us. Ask Adam. ( Genesis 3:8, John 14:18 & Isaiah 1:18)
Giving Gifts: Let's be reel, God takes great pleasure in giving us good gifts. To take it further, he has equipped each of us with gifts to serve Him & others. (James 1: 17, 1 Peter 4:10 & Romans 12:6-8)
Physical Touch: Lucky for the disciples and other persons, for they got to touch Christ. Nonetheless, with The outpouring of the Holy Spirit in our lives, we are able to feel God's touch. Have you ever been praying, and you feel goosebumps or a coolness? maybe it's a sense of peace you can't express. That is how He touches us. When we are healed, It is because of his healing touch. ( Joel 2:28-29 & Mark 3:10)
Now That We Have Examined How Christ Loves Us, How Can We Love God Daily?
Words of affirmation: Read His words & respond to them by affirming Him in your Love. Let him know how much You love & appreciate Him. ( Psalm 139:14, Psalm 9:1-2 & Psalm 103)
Acts of service: Serve others, as it is a part of serving God. Like David, take it upon yourself to do things for god. David built a temple for Him, and in return, God established him. ( 2 Samuel 7 & 1 Peter 4:10)
Quality Time: Intentionally Spend time in His presence by praying, reading his word, listening to music, etc. Spending time with His people is a great act. ( Matthew 18:20, Psalm 16: 11, John 15:5)
Giving gifts: Use your gifts for Him. Never cease to give gifts to other persons, for it pleases God. ( Hebrews 13:16, Psalm 29:1-11, 1 Peter 4:10)
Physical touch: Read your hardcopy Bible. When you do so, you are literally touching His Words. Whenever you pray, let you aim to touch God. (A transition from the physical realm to the Spiritual). Also, live a life of impact that touches others. For some, they will never get to touch God, but by touching you, they touch the temple of God. Special Note: The same power that Christ had when He laid hands on the sick is in you. Lay hands & pray. (Deuteronomy 17:19, John 14:12, Matthew 5:16,1 Corinthians 6:19)
I Challenge You To Love God Daily!